Using Questions and Conversations To Build Trust

 I'm a part of a program called Ask The Experts. Participants join our weekly to ask other coaches and me questions about leadership.  One attendee asked a question about building trust.  He said he understands the importance of building trust with his team members. However, he was struggling to figure out how to do it,  how would he put this into practice?  

I advised him to start by scheduling a conversation with each employee.  Even if a leader has never conducted one-on-one meetings before, one can start by being intentional.  Let the employees know the purpose of the talk.  It could go something like this:

"I want to be the best manager I can be and support you the way you need to be supported.  So I want to share my thoughts and expectations. But first, I want to gather your thoughts and expectations of me.  So let me start by asking a few questions."

Then the leader would proceed with a few questions to foster meaningful discussion and candid sharing.  Here are the wordings I recommended during our Ask The Experts session:

• What are your top three expectations of me as your leader?

This gives the team permission to share what they need.  It opens the door for candor. 

• What motivates you other than the paycheck?

This provides insight into what's most important to that team member.  It also empowers the leader to recognize them and reach them in ways that are meaningful to each team member.

• How can I better support you and help you get things done/be successful? 

• Are there any areas where you need help -- roadblocks or obstacles, standing in your way?

These two questions are pretty similar. But one asks what they need and the other asks what they are experiencing. Often these two questions, generate very different responses.

• How can our team do a better job in some key areas, including 1. communication  2. decision making, and  3. accountability?

Personalize this question to best fit and benefit your team.  Your key areas might be different than these.  When you ask this you give the team member targeted areas to think about that impact team efficacy. 

• What do you need more of and less of from me?

Prepare for answers such as fewer meetings, fewer interruptions, more autonomy, and more coaching and mentoring. And remember these questions are conversation starters. You're not just going through the list of questions;  you are engaging in a conversation to better understand. Therefore be sure to ask follow-up questions as needed.

Then, share your expectations of your employees.    Performance expectations are important, but they aren't the focus of this discussion.  Of course, every leader wants a high-performing team.  Share norms, and expectations that foster communication and teamwork:    For example:  'I expect you to come to me if you have a problem or question';   "I expect you to schedule at least one meeting with me each month"; or  "I expect everyone to share ideas during our brainstorming meetings."

Most importantly once this discussion is over you, the leader, need to devise a plan of how to leverage the information you've gained.  Advise your team of the steps you are taking or plan to take. This will let them know you heard and valued their thoughts.   

As a coach, I ask lots of questions.  They are a way of breaking down communication barriers and creating transparency.  I often advise my clients to use questions to deepen relationships as well.  We always learn more when we're listening than we do when we're talking. 

Angela Ellis is a coach, speaker and consultant with Enhance Business Solutions.  She can be reached here:  www.enhancecoach.net