Adaptive Leaders Rise to the Top

 

The Power Of The Pause

 The Power of Pausing: Cultivating Calm Responses in Tense Moments

In high-pressure situations, our natural instinct is to fire back immediately. Yet responding on impulse can inflame emotions, damage relationships, and obscure our true intentions. By pausing briefly before reacting, we give ourselves space to collect our thoughts and choose a response that fosters understanding rather than conflict. This simple habit can transform heated exchanges into constructive conversations, both personally and professionally.

Why an Intentional Pause Matters

- It halts the autopilot of emotion, preventing us from saying things we might regret.  

- It signals respect to the other person, showing that we are listening rather than attacking.  

- It creates cognitive space, allowing the logical part of our brain to catch up with the emotional surge.  

- It reduces physiological symptoms like raised heart rate and tension, making clear thinking more accessible.

Together, these benefits turn a potential confrontation into an opportunity for genuine dialogue. The brief split-second wait is not avoidance—it’s strategic reflection.

How to Implement the Pause

1. Notice the Trigger  

   Pay attention to physical signs of stress: a racing heart, clenched jaw, or shallow breathing. These cues tell you to hit the mental brakes.

2. Breathe Deeply  

   Take two or three slow, deep breaths. Inhale for four counts, hold for two, and exhale for six. This pattern helps reset your nervous system.

3. Count Silently  

   Use a quiet count—“one, two, three”—to buy extra seconds. Even a brief count can shift control from impulse to intention.

4. Focus on Your Goal  

   Remember what you want to achieve: clarity, resolution, or simply mutual understanding. Let this goal guide your forthcoming words.

Reflecting on Honesty, Respect, and Resolution

Before you speak, ask yourself:

- Is my response honest?  

- Does it convey respect for the other person’s perspective and dignity?  

- Will it move us toward a solution or a compromise?

Honesty ensures authenticity. Respect ensures the conversation stays civil, even when opinions diverge. Focusing on resolution keeps you from re-opening old wounds and instead channels energy into next steps.

Putting It into Practice

Here are a few everyday scenarios. When you might put the pause into practice.

A colleague criticizes your presentation in front of your team.  

Pause, breathe, then respond:  

“I appreciate your feedback. Can we discuss specific points afterward so I can improve?”

A family member makes a hurtful remark during dinner.  

Notice the sting, count to three, then reply:  

“I felt uncomfortable when you said that. Can we talk about what’s behind this comment?”

A customer angrily complains about a service failure and insults you in the process.

Hold your tongue briefly, then say:  

“I’m sorry you had this experience. Let’s work together to make it right.”

Taking simple steps like this can improve your stress level. Avoid unnecessary discord and even help you use your time more wisely.

It's Your New Year Call to Action!

3Rs Call to Action 

Reconnect

Remember

Real

Focus on What Matters

My client told me his mantra is: DO MORE IN 2024. I asked WHY? What is the true objective? We all know, New Year's resolutions come and go pretty quickly. So, why set yourself up for failure with a vague catchphrase with no purpose?

I challenged him to think about what and who needs his attention; and stay focused on what matters most.

We worked together to identify 5 things he wanted to accomplish next year AND 3 relationships he wanted to focus on. That led us to a theme for the year. That theme - BOUNDARIES

You see, he realized he was focusing on things that matter to others; addressing other's needs and emergencies; and in doing so, putting his own priorities on the back burner...

Read More:  Focus On What Matters

Courage and Grit

MINDSETS THAT LEAD TO UNBREAKABLE RESULTS

 

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Four Power Mindsets -- Change your thinking and change your life!

 Four Power Mindsets -- Changing your thinking can lead to success

No matter what goals you’re trying to accomplish, the right mindset can put you closer to accomplishing them.  In my coaching work, I’ve found that financial woes, relationship issues, career stallers, and family conflicts can be minimized over time.  And the road to recovery often starts with how we think about these challenges.  Here are a few ways to reframe cynical or negative thinking.  Once you clear out these harmful thought processes, you can start to strategize in productive ways that will yield results.

1. Have an Attitude of gratitude.  Begin every day and every situation mindful of what you are grateful for.  You can walk around your home and literally touch things and people you appreciate. Be grateful for the things that you can feel – such as love, the warm sun, and happiness. Remember also to be grateful for the things that you can't see like fresh air,  a safe environment, and health.  Every year on my birthday all right down all the things that I'm grateful for. And I write down as many things as the number I of years I've been alive. When I turned 40, for example, I recorded 40 things I'm grateful for.   The idea behind this is to go beyond the basic things we might acknowledge, see, or appreciate every day.  Things like family, a home, and your job. I wanted to really think about every aspect of my life and search every corner of my mind to identify things for which I’m  grateful, even if I don't often think about them.  Find pictures that represent things you appreciate in your life – search online, in magazines, on your phone, and on your social media.  If you’d like to create a physical, tangible board, print out these images and paste them onto a big poster board.  Keep this in a place where you will see it daily.  A gratitude board can also be done electronically by pasting pictures to an electronic ‘whiteboard’ or notepad.  This is a fun exercise to do with a family member and a super way to start off a new year.

2.     Consider your priorities (values and needs) before you make important decisions.  The things that really matter most to you will show up in three areas of your life. They will show up in how you spend your time. They will show up in how you spend your money. And they will show up in what makes you smile. Most adults have a preset list of values - family, security, health, etc.  Those are the things we know intuitively that should be important to us.  But these things aren’t truly your values unless you behave according.  For instance, can one really say family is important if one rarely sees, calls, or spends time with them? Arguably not.  Identify your true values and write them down.  Then write why they matter to you.  I do this with clients whom I coach. I ask them to record their organization’s values.  They often write down things like equality, communication, or innovation.  Then I ask them to share the belief ( the why) behind each value.  For example - our value is equality. We believe all people are equal and deserve to be respected and treated with integrity.   Here is an assignment for you to complete -  Make a list of your values and the whys (beliefs) that support them. After you write them say them out loud.  You'll find it easier to stand up for your values, honor them, and even express them to others as a result of this simple process.  Writing it down makes it real and saying it aloud brings it to life.  And, brings you one step closer to living your values,  unapologetically.

3. Don't compare yourself with others.  It’s easy to look at social media and see the best of everyone and everything.  In the virtual world, your associates post the best parts of their vacations, parties, and celebrations.  We don't see any arguments, sadness, family conflict, breakups, or defeat.  Only glorious, victorious happiness.  It could give you the impression that everyone is doing better than you. But what you see there -- what others are willing to present of themselves -- doesn't matter. Stay focused on you -- what matters to you, your priorities, your goals.  Remain fixated on meeting your own needs and values. Have you ever seen a documentary about lions?  The lion is stalking its prey -- perhaps a gazelle or a zebra.   The lion is on a mission; it's not concerned with the antics of its prey.  The lion has it's own priorities -- its own survival and the survival of its offspring.  It has a job to do and is focused on that.   It doesn't have anything to prove to anyone, it’s not comparing itself to other Lions.  Each day, when you wake up, think like that lion waking up on the Serengeti.  Commit yourself to the tasks of the day.  Remind yourself why your priorities matter.  Reconsider your purpose -- what you want and why you want it.  These reflections can ignite your motivation and actions each day.
   
   
4. Seek sage advice from someone who has achieved what you're trying to achieve.  When you talk about something you want to achieve with family or colleagues, you'll get all sorts of opinions.  They'll tell you what you should or shouldn't do.  They might share their fears or concerns.  Or, they might point out what it won't work.  Some might even try to talk you out of your aspirations.  It's not right, but it's okay.  The best person to talk to when you contemplate the next steps is someone who has already done something similar.  Seek out a mentor, advisor, or even devil’s advocate who has traveled the road you are on.  They can give you a relevant perspective, rather than just a list of cons, doubts, and cynicism.
   Solicit lessons learned and best practices that will assist you on your journey.  Be prepared to discuss the risks and rewards – it may not all be what you want to hear, but it will all be relevant to you.

With these mindsets, you’ll be better positioned to perform confidently and consistently in all areas of your life.  Any new action starts with the right mindset.  Your mindset fuels your beliefs.  Your beliefs drive your actions.  Your actions create your future.